I CBB SRY

It's Friday night and I don't get home until 11pm, so I can't be bothered, sorry to those who were anticipating a lengthy blog.

This blog isn't supposed to be depressing as Amit informed me. I'll tell you when I have a good day, and I'll tell you when I have a bad day. Maybe I should set the tone with a smiley every time :)

It took only 3.5 hours for me to get that feeling of constant never-ending boredom again. I thought that maybe I would be excited to see everyone, and initially I was, but the novelty wore off after 5 minutes. I was also amazed at how quickly it took to get back into the routine. The first day back I felt my heart sink, because in the back of my mind was the HSC. I've had a tense feeling in my chest the past few days non-stop, and it doesn't go away. Stress, people. I'm a little worried about it at the moment, it's making me an angry person at school and at home. Perhaps some valium?

Well, as some/a few/most/all of you know, I got my P plates. I'm telling you all now, don't go to the CASTLE HILL RTA. As I found out 2 days before the test, it has gained notoriety for being an extremely difficult place to earn your licence, although I'm glad I went there as I now have much faith in my driving abilities (relative). The 120hr logbook is, although laborious, absolutely necessary. When compare my driving to the 50hr mark (the previous number of hours required) and where I am now, it's not surprising to see why there was such high number of P plate accidents. And if you're thinking of fibbing any hours, shame on you, but even more, shame on your parents for signing it.

Tonight I drove solo for the first time. At first I was a little apprehensive, but settled straight into it once it clicked what I was doing. It has given me a new lease on freedom (not the judicial one), I can now go anywhere I want. Anywhere, any time (exaggeration, please don't take seriously). It's a great feeling. I advise you all to do the same. Break free from the shackles of poorly run state government public transport!

Well that's all I want to say at the moment, overall it's been a mixed bag so far combining elation and constant chest pain. I'll leave it at neutral, or should I say, in neutral (I'm sorry, I had to).

Also, I will give people a lift if possible on days that I drive to school.

Bore-dumb

3 CENTS
"Man, he is constantly growing and when he is bound by a set pattern of ideas or way of doing things, that's when he stops growing."-Bruce Lee

Apply it to anything you want, I liked when I read it. I don't really have much to say today, when you're at home doing the same things each day there isn't much to inspire you. But I'm sure that when school starts up there will be plenty to say.

I miss seeing friends. The same routine everyday, waking up at the same time each day. Eating the same things at the same time each day. Looking at the same websites each day. Attempting to do schoolwork each day. Bored out of mind each day.

I've come to a realisation, you see, school will be no different (minus the friends bit), and is a reminder of what is to come. Just some food for thought. I know what the forthcoming year will be like, and I'm not looking forward to it. I've not too much to say.

DAY
Nothing much is happening, just same old same old. I'm trying to go to bed earlier but I keep on failing to, now I've called my mother in to intervene. She says that she will "kick my butt". Perhaps 3-4am is too late? I'm starting to tire of waking up when the sun starts dropping; yesterday I woke up at 4:30pm.
I keep thinking about school and my music, what I should be doing and the obstacles I will face, it's always in the back of my mind, although I should give my mother some 'credit' in that department, she reminds me everyday of her expectations for my HSC.

KLOSE
Ever wondered what it's like to live in a eurasian family or being half? My parents come from vastly different backgrounds, practically opposite sides of the world, so you can expect that they have differing values, customs, and expectations. There is inevitably conflict. For example, my father will sometimes wear shoes into the house if it's just for 5 minutes (it's a white person thing), but my mother will force him to take his shoes off. It may seem like a minor thing that occurs elsewhere, but believe me, it's a cultural thing in this instance.
There are many times where I feel alienated. I remember at Schofields Public School there were times where some caucasians wouldn't accept me. I wasn't 'white' enough.
Even now, days at school can be tough when my close friends aren't around. I'm not trying to be racist, but I can't and will never be indian or chinese. I've had "But you're not asian". I just don't fit in, I don't want to either. So that leaves me with little place to go. And I don't feel white, I don't really want to be there too. Now I have a dilemma, but I couldn't care less.
Why?
Because I know I've found great friends that only care if you're a good person. I am so grateful for having found such good friends, and I mean that with every part of my mind, body, and soul. So now I'm going to be highly brash. Fuck cliques. Fuck racial groups. I'm sorry for being so upfront about how I express my sentiments. That's one aspect of our school that I truly hate. And I know that's because of my past experiences, I understand, and I choose to bypass logic. So now I'm going to unleash some Module C. The pathos is powerful.

Well, now you know some more. I choose not to visually display these emotions, this blogging experience has given me a better outlet; words are better.

I don't think I'll post again until I have another outing with some friends to stir the blood.

Blogging virginity gone with the wind.

3 CENTS

I am growing more and more concerned about certain people as the time to return to school approaches. It's crunch time, our final year, and the cracks in people are beginning to show. Yes, it's the HSC and it's very important, but where does one draw the line? What is the price of friendship?
I understand that some people are focused on a goal already knowing exactly what they want to do, but weighing up between a fantastic mark and the experiences and bonds that one will carry through the rest of their lives (mastercard advertisements)?
Birth. Life. Death. These three things we will all experience, of that there is no doubt, yet how we choose to live is open.

But shouldn't we experience life to it's fullest, spending our best days with friends?
I know that without seeing my mates, my mind slowly decays. So how is it that people can sever ties in an instant? People I were once close to have been, and are, becoming increasingly distant. And if it continues, I cannot continue to be close with them. Friendships are mutual, and if they cannot understand that, then there is no hope for them. So that's my 3 cents, shape up or ship out.

DAY

So now, moving on. Today (9th Jan 2010), I experienced the greatest visual piece of wizardry that exists. AVATAR. Technology just continues to improve in leaps and bounds, but the experience from AVATAR was just mind-blowing. I cannot wait to see the boundaries of CGI and the physical world indistinguishable, although this film comes mighty close.
However earlier in the day I had a surprise. AMARA! A friend who I had not seen in 2 years. Funnily enough whilst departing the last time we met 2 years ago, my last words were "See you in a year.". After having such a long outing drought during these holidays and then her showing up out of the blue (it wasn't really out of the blue for everyone else, they knew she was coming), it was great to just find that we could connect as if we had been seeing each other for the past month. I also remembered how violent Thai women could be. First-hand.

I must thank Dani, the past few weeks have been testing to say the least (keeping oneself occupied is difficult, I now truly admire the average hermit). He is a sincere friend and only has good intentions to aid people. I'm determined to make sure this friendship will never end, even though I will outlive him.

KLOSING

I tend to suppress emotions, to the point that even many close friends don't know my true thoughts and feelings about things. The reason that I may appear 'cold' is to hide emotions; being constant sources of jokes, bullying, and other experiences have taught me to throw away emotional baggage; problems arise when you become too emotional, hence why you should "Always look on the bright side of life". Find the funny side of things. So that's it for my first blog, I'm tired after a long day in which i've had a chance to reflect. Maybe next time (i'll see how the blog goes) i'll reveal some things you didn't know about me, some insight for you and me, into myself. Remember, none of you know me yet.